It's beginning to look alot like....Winter.

It is snowing.  And it’s a deafening reminder that the Holidays are approaching at warp speed.  This past weekend we had our Pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving with Misty's dad. It was nice.  We had ham for this one, in the hopes of not burning ourselves out on turkey before the actual Turkey day.  We played wii and had a good time.  I think maybe we will try to make that a tradition.  He left early on Sunday due to the mountain pass being so snowy.

Misty and I went and did some preliminary shopping yesterday.  We got a few people completely taken care of, and got ideas for the rest. I now have to think about what to get Misty for Christmas. It’s so tough since I have already exhausted the entire realm of electronics.  I love that she is easy to buy for like a guy! As long as it is new and technology she is pretty much excited.  I thought about getting us a new video camera, since we could possibly have a little one around soon, and all we have are 8mm film cameras still.  But we'll see. (After all she IS reading this).

Through a friend I know a woman who had placed her child up for adoption using the agency we are working with.  It was only about 4 months ago that the placement occurred, and I think she is still having a hard time with it.  She is also going through a tough breakup; I invited her and her other daughter to Thanksgiving at our house.  I hate the idea that anyone would spend Thanksgiving alone, especially when going through such a hard time.

Speaking of hard time:  For those of you who don't know, one of my best friends Gretchen has been in the past 4 months - Diagnosed with breast cancer, had double mastectomy surgery, also found out she had a type of skin cancer on her breast skin, had surgery for that, and is now in the process of chemotherapy.  Anyone who knows Gretchen knows she is a tough cookie, but I know she is struggling with this.  She will also be at Thanksgiving, even if she doesn't really enjoy the holiday.  I told her if she didn't come, I would go to her condo, knock on the door, and loudly proclaim “YOU GAVE ME HERPES" until she answered the door and agreed to attend.  I think that threat was effective

Bittersweet Symphony... That's Life

It's another drafting day and I think that I could really get used to Fridays being this laid back and quiet.  I spent the first 3 days of this week in Revit training and for anyone who knows anything about what I'm talking about you know that by the end of day 3 you're so saturated in new information that you just want the entire week to be over.  Yesterday was pretty rough for me but today seems to be a little better.

We got our second screening call Wednesday afternoon and that was kind of cool.  Once again, though, the birthmother had been heavily into drugs during the first 6 months of her pregnancy and the doctors and agency have no idea what the long-term implications of this will have on the unborn baby.  I did some research online and found that it was probably better that we passed on this situation as well.  I just want a happy and healthy, ten fingers, ten toes baby, is that too much to ask?

We also found out yesterday that the gay couple that we took our pre-adoption seminar with was chosen earlier this month.  Hearing that has been kind of bittersweet for me.  I'm *totally* excited for them, ya know?  But at the same time you begin to question everything about all of the paperwork that you submitted.  Why not us?  What could we change?  What exactly is a birth mother looking for?  I don't know…  You hear from a birthmother (a friend Kristen happened to meet on a fluke) that birthmothers would rather pick a gay couple because then there's no competition about who the "mother" is.  And I can't help but wonder if the show "Modern Family" has anything to do with it.  They portray a gay couple who has adopted and everything seems totally fun and happy and goofy.  And I'm sure that it is!  I'll I'm getting at is that there isn't a fun/happy/goofy portrayal of a lesbian adoptive couple out there that birthmothers could relate to.  Maybe that's far-fetched.  I don't know.. again, you question everything.

Another thing that I'm having sort of a hard time with is because, yes, I'm stalking the baby pool website.  Why torture myself, you ask?  Because I like to see progress.  The bum deal about my spreadsheet is that I've been tracking the straights vs. gays vs. lesbian adoptions since the middle of August and there have been about 7 straight adoptions and 4 gay couple adoptions and ZERO (yes, zero) lesbian adoptions.  That would be another reason that I'm frustrated.  Part of me wants to call up the agency and ask when the last lesbian adoption was and the other part of me knows that hearing the answer probably isn't going to make me feel better anyway, so why bother?

Anyway, enough of being a downer.  This last weekend with mom was actually a lot of fun.  We went baby shopping and picked up a bunch of cool things.  I may have broken my "one or two things a month" promise with Kristen, but I get to blame it on mom.  Although, technically mom bought everything this weekend so I should still be able to get my one or two things for this month, right?!?!  Yay!  Probably shouldn't press my luck.

And now we're swinging almost full force into the Holidays and I'm pretty excited for that.  I'm looking forward to some much needed time off and spending time with my family and friends.  We've even planned our 2^nd annual family trip to Leavenworth and I'm excited about that as well.  Dad's coming this weekend for Turkey Day before Turkey Day, Mom will be here for Thanksgiving weekend, then the Choke grand opening (I'm gonna win the iPad damnit!), then my company holiday party/Jenn's 30^th birthday party!  Busy, busy!  I like having these little things to look forward to.  Kind of takes your mind off of the bigger baby picture for a while, ya know?  I'd even like to get a summer vacation planned soon so that I can start my vacation excitement countdown! 

Be Prepared!

So Kristen has been trying to get me to write a blog for a couple of days now and I figured that now is the perfect opportunity.  Today has basically been a "drafting day" and anyone familiar with engineering and AutoCAD knows that basically means you put on your headphones, kick up some good music and just work the day away.  This is also the time that I do most of my thinking – which could be good or bad, depending on the topic!  Today is a good day, calm down Kristen.  Eesh.

Last night was our second Adoptive Parenting meeting and I really enjoy these.  Not only does it give us a chance to meet people who are in the same situation that we're in, the counselors provide topics for us to be thinking about as we are going through the Long Wait.  Last night's topic was "The Last-Minute Placement" which was definitely on my Top 10 things to know about adoption.  When I think about a last minute placement everything in me starts to freak out.  This is how it could work, people:  I could be right in the middle of a good thoughts drafting day and BAM! there's a phone call from the agency that says there is a healthy baby at the hospital waiting for us to come pick him/her up.  We would have 20 minutes to decide if the information that the counselor has given us about the birth family is acceptable.  TWENTY MINUTES that could possibly change the rest of our lives FOREVER.  GO!

First thought?  Holy.  Crap.  Technically that might be two thoughts, but whatever.  (FYI:  those were the same words that I used when at the meeting last night when the counselor asked us what we would be feeling in two words.)  What about work?  What about the cats? Are we packed?  Do we have enough stuff?  How long are we going to have to plan to stay in the town/at the hospital with the baby?  Are we really ready for this emotionally/physically/financially?  I guess the simple, honest answer to all of those is:  No.  But you can never really be fully ready, right?  The nursery is painted, the furniture just needs to be picked up from a friend's house and we are slowly but surely buying onesies and bottles and blankets.  Emotionally, I'm so ready for this process to come to an end.  Our baby plight has taken us over a 2 year period and that's long enough.  I'm ready for my life to be about more than just Kristen and I.  I'm ready to focus on someone else now.  Financially, we're about as ready as we're ever going to be.  We have savings and checking and 401k's and families that would be there in a heartbeat should something come up that we couldn't afford.  I'm not really worried about that.

This is what I'm worried about:  As much as Kristen and I have in common, we are COMPLETELY different.  Love her to death, but my partner is a procrastinator.  Probably one of the biggest things that we fight about in our relationship.  I'm a planner.  It literally IS my job.  I have to jungle sometimes up to 15 projects a WEEK, kicking them along to meet the next deadline.  My job is all about being on time and delivering exceptional projects because if I don’t, the next drafter/engineer/firm will.  I was also a Girl Scout and you know the motto:  Be Prepared.  I'm just sayin'.  I mention all of this stuff now because we were sent a screening email about a week ago that sent me (the planner) into a tailspin of "oh-my-god-this-could-really-happen-tomorrow" freakout session and it didn't seem to affect Kristen (the waiter)  in the least.  This KILLS me.  So needless to say, I now have a borrowed car seat and stroller, onesies and blankets and burp rags.  Calls are in to my brother to borrow his truck and go and get the furniture from Gretchen.  Mom (who couldn't be more ready to be a grandmother) is getting ready to buy a crib.

I know that we shouldn't be getting a whole bunch of things because then there won't be anything for our friends to get us if they want to but listening to them talk last night the Adoptive mother that had been put in a last minute placement situation was saying we'd be going through 4 to 6 onesies a DAY.  I only have a pack of 4 right now!  I totally don't want to buy a bunch of things and ruin anything for our friends/family, but I want to (in stereo now!)  Be Prepared.  I want to make it so that we can spend the first few days bonding as a family and not bickering because we don't have enough or rushing out to go pick up things at the last minute.  That's all.

I think that we came to a compromise last night at around 11:00 as I was trying to pack for my trip home this weekend.  We're going to buy one or two things a month so that we have something to look forward to every month.  This solves the problem of Kristen not wanting to be "too ready" and my "I can't be ready enough" issues.  We also promised to not make big purchases (the car/stroller combo and crib (sorry, Mom) without the other person there.  So guess what?

I'm totally using my one or two things a month card for this weekend and going shopping with Mom while I'm home.  Bazinga!  (Big Bang Theory reference).

My Beiber fever went and turned into a cold, or at least thats how it seems. It seemed to hit me around 3pm today.  I hate being sick, because lets face reality, I am a HUGE baby when I'm sick.  I just don't like the idea of being sick, not being 100%.

Misty had soccer tonight.  Unfortunetly the game started before I could get off work, boo!  I like to watch her run around and dominate on the soccer field.  It ind of makes me feel like a parent.  I might even have one of those buttons made with her picture. You know the ones, with the ribbon under it that says "Thats my girl".  All of the parents had them in highschool.

I forgot to mention what happened to us on Saturday night.  We were out living it up, enjoying our saturday night out.  (We went to Lowes, wooo party time!) And on the way we got a flat tire.  So we start to get out the spare, get the jack ready, and take off the lug nuts.  Only one issue, they were torqued on with a gun, and I could NOT get them off.  Luckily for us, a guy who saw us struggling came to help.  He was like 5'6 and super gay.  Yeah, thats right.  A 5'6 super gay man in crocodile boots, helped us change our tire.  George, you are our hero.  Talk about deflation of dyke-ness.  I just feel that since I carry a purse, I shouldn't need to change a tire ;)

Ok I have officially reached big baby time, as it pertains to my cold.  It is time for me to get all warm and comfy and try to fight off this cold.

I think I have the Beiber Fever. Can antibiotics cure that?

Okay, so my goal is to try to write a post every few days or so.  This might be a complete and utter fail in the future, but it appears I am on track to complete that objective. 

When we attended the pre-process meeting for the adoption agency we were attending with four other couples who were/are interested in the adoption process.  Out of the 5 of the couples in the meeting, only 2 of us have actually entered the waiting pool.  I'm not quite sure what stopped the other couples, but the other couple to join the pool are two really amazing guys from Colorado.  They appear to be really great guys, and it would be nice to keep in touch with them considering we will have children with not only a process but the same agency inc ommon.  I hope that they are picked soon, and since they are a male/male couple, I'm not quite sure how much we are in "competition" with one another. 

Each week since we entered the pool, it seems that more and more families are entering.  It is kind of a bummer because as each family joins the pool you feel that your chances of being chosen get more and more dilluted.  But then at the same time, I am very happy that a birthmother has many families to choose from.  This will ensure she has the opportunity to pick a family she really believes in and not just one that she settles for. 

The hardest part of this process so far has been the loss of our counselor.  She left the agency just after we entered the waiting pool.  She emailed us and said her goodbyes, and told us who our new counselor would be.  It has been almost 2 months and we have not heard a word from the other counselor.  Part of me gets upset because I feel that with the amount of money we are spending, we deserve at least an email from the new counselor acknowledging that she is our new counselor, or at least an email telling us who to contact if we had any questions/comments/concerns.

This has been the most annoying part of the process so far.  Lack of communication. It would be nice to get an email maybe bimonthly giving us possible stats of how many times our letter has gone out.  But then again that could be a bad thing for some couples.  If they get caught up in the numbers.  Maybe I'm just whining because at this point I feel that any communication would be better than the lack there of we have been experiencing.

The one thing I have going for me right now is that it is NFL season.  Which means I am completely and utterly preoccupied with my fantasy team.  Don't judge me.  There is something about the sport of football I find completely and utterly fascinating.  I love the idea of each down being a new beginning.  Unlike basketball, football has pauses and chances for the offense to read the defense and vise verse.  It just seems like more of a chess game.  A game of strategy that allows you time to setup and create plans to trick and manipulate players on the other team.  I dislike the violence that is associated with it, as I do not wish harm upon anyone, but I just love the sport.  I get so excited every year.

It is something to distract me.  And distraction during the waiting process is key to not over analyzing the process or the time spent waiting.  There is another "waiting-family" group meeting coming up soon.  I know that Misty is wanting to go to it.  The subject this meeting is last minute placements.   Hopefully we will learn some interesting things.  And since I had a horrible allergy attack last meeting (I didn't really feel very social) I hope that this meeting will allow us the opportunity to meet the other families and make new friends. At least people who can relate to this process with us.

On another note.  I have Justin Beiber stuck in my head.  Well he personally is not stuck in my head, but his song.  Why you ask? Because it comes on the radio every 3 or 4 songs.  And since when a song gets stuck in my head it torments me, and causes a neruological response in me that can be described as BAD DANCING, I have been doing the moon walk and shimmy through the house today. 

Stop.  Picture it.  "baby, baby, baaaaaaaaaby, OOOOO" Yeah, exactly. That is my current reality.  I need help. Seriously, I hope this Beiber fever breaks soon.

Dear Birth Parent Letter

Hello there!

Thank you for taking the time to find out a little bit about us. We are Kristen (left) and Misty (right). (If you were to ask Misty, she is always right). After four wonderful years together, we are at the point in our lives where we are ready to start a family, and look forward to bringing a child into our lives. We both have an immense love for children and want nothing more than to enter the world of parenthood!

Misty is an Engineer at a consulting firm close to our house. Misty is shy and introverted, especially in large social settings, but once she gets to know you she comes out of her shell. She is very patient, trusting, and always sees the good in every situation. (Even when Kristen makes us late because she can’t find the earrings that she is already wearing!) Misty has a great sense of humor and always has a smile on her face. She is highly creative and artistic. She is the type of person that you can always count on.

Kristen has worked as a consultant in the automotive field for the last 10 years. Kristen has a way of putting a smile on anyone’s face. She is at ease in large social settings, and has an uncanny ability to make friends. She is quick witted, outgoing, caring, and creative. She is always the first to volunteer when someone needs a hand. (Unless it is to do the dishes!) She is also a master of the Wii. (Yes, she wrote that last part).

Together we love to experience everything that the area has to offer, from taking walks on the beach to watching live sports, and even just having a great meal on the waterfront. We both like to stay active and you can usually find one of us, if not both, playing co-ed softball, soccer, or flag football. Or, if the weather is bad, we are inside having a friendly competition on the Wii. Kristen is Mario Kart Champion of the House (Yes, she wrote that also). We both love to travel and take a much needed vacation together at least once a year. Our favorite place to be is relaxing on the beach with our toes in the sand, and we’re excited to have a little one to build sand castles with!

We live in a small city in Washington State. Our neighborhood is a very diverse one, made up of young families, long term older residents, and even a few “mini mansions.” We live within walking distance to playgrounds, parks, soccer fields, and even a lake. We have a large backyard, and plenty of room for kids to run around. We have the perfect house for entertaining, and usually host several BBQs during the summer months.

We are both lucky enough to live within driving distance from most of our family. Misty’s parents live 3 hours away and visit quite often. Misty has two brothers, one of whom lives very close by; the other lives in the town where they grew up. Kristen’s parents live 30 minutes away on a farm, complete with horses, ducks, ATV trails, and acres to run around on. Kristen’s family is very large and extended (7 brothers). Her oldest brother has 3 little girls (6mo, 2, & 7). They live close and we love to take them on excursions around the city to museums, the zoo, parks, and anywhere else that we think will put a smile on their face or a new wrinkle in their mind. Most of our friends are starting families of their own, and we can’t wait for sleepovers and birthday parties.

We have been blessed with good health, financial stability, a strong sense of family, and friends that we can count on. We believe in providing an environment in which a child may develop a true sense of self, and we want to be able to support him or her in whatever path he or she chooses to take. From music (Kristen played the clarinet, albeit not that well), to sports (we both lettered in HS), to whatever his or her interests may be. We hope to help guide the child on a path that will be filled with love, safety, and security. We are humbled by the opportunity to become adoptive parents. We look forward to welcoming not only a child, but their birthparents into our extended family.

Welcome to our Journey in Open Adoption

I have never been good at keeping up with any type of blog or journal, but I felt the need to document our journey through the Open Adoption Process.  We chose to go through an agency instead of a private adoption lawyer.  The agency we chose was Open Adoption & Familly Services (OAFS).  We chose them for many reasons; 1) they truly believe in open adoption 2) they are local 3) they are gay friendly 4) we really enjoyed the people and 5) I feel they put enough hurdles in the way that it weeds out the prospective parents who may not be truly committed. They were the agency that sex columnist, and Seattle local, Dan Savage and his partner used to adopt their son (as documented in his book "The Kid").

As it stands now we have jumped through many hurdles of our own.  The steps we have completed so far.

1) The informational meeting.
2) The pre-adoption mandatory meeting
3) The background check
4) The paperwork! (Which includes; the autobiography, the dear Birth Parent letter, and photo collage)
5) The writing of progressively larger checks ($$$)
6) Finally entering the Waiting Pool
7) Attending "waiting" family meetings
8) The waiting........(current process)

It has been a process, but one that I am very proud to have began.  We are doing this for the right reasons, and hope to begin our family very soon.  We have been filling our time with sports (soccer!) and family.  We have tried to steer clear from getting the house too far ready for baby, but can't help the urges to nest.  It makes the process that much real.  It is also a large possibility that we may be given a "last minute placement".  Which is basically when you get a call from the hospital that a mother has chosen you and you need to come NOW!

That sentence right there, scares Misty.  Mosty because she freaks out over not being ready.  But between our amazing friends we have already obtained most of what we need to be prepared.  And admittingly we have already partially prepared our nursery.  We painted the nursery based on one of our friends daughter's (Mackenzie) favorite book.  It is "Thats not my Monkey" Green.  Or at least thats what it has been nicknamed.  Mackenzie's mom, Gretchen (aka one of my bffs) provided us with a changing table and rocker.  Misty's mom is buying the crib (once we finally agree on one!) and my family has given us so many baby items that the garage is overfilling!  We are prepared.  I blame Misty, she was a scout.

So that is our backstory.  And now you will see the rest of the story.  Hopefully this journey will be filled with smiles, tears of joy, and happiness very soon.