There are days, especially when I'm slow at work or right after we've gotten a screening call where I'll sit and wonder how all of this is going to go down. Mostly questions like, is the birthmom pregnant right now and about to choose a family? What is she going through right now? Will it be that we'll get a call that a birthmother has chosen us and we'll have a few months to get to know her? Be a part of the birth? Maybe not necessarily in the room with her, but close by? Or will it be a last minute placement where we're asked to come as soon as possible because the baby has been born and we've been chosen as parents? A part of me would ache as the thought of not being there from the very beginning but in the grand scheme of it all, would that really matter? Will we have the most perfect Entrustment Ceremony where we call cry and promise to provide the very best for this little life because that's what they deserve?
I wonder about how our relationship will be with the birthparents. I would really love for the birthfather to be around, but will that happen? Even if the birthfather chooses not to be around, between my dad, two brothers and male best friend plus Kristen's dad, stepdad and 7 brothers I think that there will be enough male impressions on their life. What about our relationship with the birth-grandparents and extended birthfamily? I wonder how that's going to be. Will they accept the decision of the birthparents and accept us into their lives or will it be challenging in the beginning?
Will we ever be able to express to the birthparents the gift that they have given to Kristen and I? What is going to happen if our methods of parenting are different? If the baby's culture differs from ours will we ever be able to do them justice by introducing enough of their culture into our lives?
I think about the "firsts" of everything. First full night of sleep. First time they sit up on their own or crawl. First word and first step. And their first birthday and the fun that it will be. Will the birthfamily want to be there? Will we want to combine the parties and have everyone there or would that be too much for us or them? And later birthdays when we get to take them to Jump Planet and bounce around for an hour with all of their little friends. Then I think about the enormity of Kristen and I being responsible for teaching them everything that they're going to know. Well, not everything but you catch my drift. She and I helping to mold them into productive people for society.
What happens 12 years down the road when they are at the age where they are figuring themselves out? Will they understand the adoption and the great sacrifices that their birthparents gave to give them a better life? Will they understand that they were everything that we ever dreamed of and not be angry with us? Will there be a phase where they'll want to live with their birthparents or prefer them over us? How is that going to affect Kristen and I and will it break our hearts? Will *we* have enough strength to know that it's just a phase and one day they'll understand?
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