Adios 2010!

Ah, 2010.  I'm trying to remember if you were more pessimistically-optimistic or the other way around.  I do remember that you started off kind of painful.  The fertility treatments weren't working and Kristen and I were faced with moving on to IVF (painful) or looking into adopting (something that we hadn't thought through at that point).

January saw me flush my cell phone down the toilet at a lacrosse game (seriously, it happens people) and the introduction of the iPhone to Misty (best. gift. ever.).  Plus we had our First Annual Leavenworth trip!  February brought around the initial meeting at the adoption agency where we got a feeling of what was to come.

March brought about the decision to go with Open Adoption and Family Services as the agency of choice to use in our adoption process.  The Pre-Adoption meeting was fun and informative and that's where we met Warren and Chris.  April and May were filled with paperwork, paperwork, paperwork and home studies and June was filled with gathering pictures for our photo collage, wrapping up the paperwork for the background checks and finishing the final drafts of our autobiographies.  It was also the first time that I'd ever been fingerprinted before and I was nervous!  Now I'm never allowed to do anything bad again because I'm in AFUS and they'll bust me faster than a clock can coo-coo.

We entered the baby pool at the end of July!  The 27th to be exact and everyone knows how much that's my favorite number, so I felt pretty lucky.  We also started working on the baby's nursery:  painting the walls, fixing the trim and removing the ugly popcorn stuff from the ceiling.  August brought around our big trip to Boston and NY to see friends.  I hadn't been back to Boston since 2000 and neither one of us had been to NY so it was a great time!  Plus we got to go to the beach in New Hampshire and play in the Atlantic and that's not something that you get to say/do every day, ya know!

September, October, November were waiting months.  We've made a list of everyone in the pool and we're kind of monitoring the trends of who is adopting and who is still left in the pool.  September was also the start of the monthly adoption gatherings through the agency and we've met some pretty cool people through there.  It's nice to know that we're not going through this alone.

December has been another waiting month but has gone by so fast that it doesn't feel like we've been in the pool for 5 months already.  We also went back to Eastern Washington for Christmas for the first time since my parents divorced.  It was great to have everyone there.

2010 has also seen at least 6 our our friends have babies (that's just a quick count off the top of my head, sorry if I forgot anyone) and with that comes joy and pain for me (not speaking for Kristen here).  Maybe that's hard to explain.  I'm super excited for our friends and love that they have started or added to their little family units.  At the same time we've been trying this for so long that it's painful in a way that to watch other people just be able to move on.  Overall, though, I'm just happy that everyone that I love and care about it happy and safe.

So 2011, I have high hopes for you!  You start in about 13 hours and you have some big shoes to fill.  January will bring around our annual Leavenworth trip, April my birthday, July Kristen's birthday but other than that we don't have a lot planned for you right now.  I'm sure there will be game nights and summer BBQs.  Possibly a new roof for the house, maybe a new car for Kristen and some random remodeling projects.  Hopefully you will bring and end to Gretchen's cancer and you will bless another 6 of our friends with babies.

Oh yeah, and feel free to send a stork (or two, hey, I'm not being picky!) around our way too :)

Editor's Note (that's me):  September also saw my Seattle Storm win the WNBA Championship again!  Woot!

Movin' on up!

Slowly but surely we're making our way up in the pages on the adoption website.  This is both good and bad in that it means couples are being picked and moving on with their lives and bad in that it's not us.  Haha.  I have my moments when I go crazy about the wait, but overall things are pretty good.  I haven't done any more baby supplies shopping yet, but there's still plenty of time left in the month.  I think that Shannon letting us borrow her things for the time being has really allowed me to calm down about not being all that prepared.  Except this morning where the conversation went a little something like this:

Kristen:  We have to pick up Mack tomorrow, don't let me forget.
Me:  Okay, I'll add a reminder to my phone.
Kristen:  I don't have baby carseat tie downs in my car.  (Some other things but I don't want to freak Gretchen out.. haha)
Me:  Um, maybe it's time we spend $25,000 so you can get baby carseat tie downs?  Hint: maybe you need a new car.

We're totally picking up Mack in my car, Gretchen, don't worry.

Anyone who knows anything about Kristen and I knows that we've been having the "maybe Kristen should get a new car" talk for oh, about 3 years now.  I know one day it'll happen but it's going to happen on Kristen Time and not Misty Time.

Christmas is less than 2 weeks away now and I'm excited to go spend a few days back home with the family.  I think that mom is stoked that we're going back for Christmas which is cute to see.  Everytime we talk on the phone she's like, "You guys are still coming back, right?"  Yes, mom, the plan is to still go back.  Pending the pass isn't a complete and total snowy mess.  Even then the plan is for the 4 of us and Leo to rent a big ol' SUV and make our way back together.  Unless the weather is going to be clear and then we might just take our own cars and save the moolah.  Who knows?

Anyway, just wanted to touch base!  Things are pretty much the same with us.  Working, christmas shopping, going to the gym and hanging out with friends.  Life's been pretty good :)

Transracial shmasracial

We're fresh off our December adoption meeting and I always have a good couple of weeks after each of these meetings.  They tend to remind me about the end goal and how we just have to stick in there because one day it's going to happen for us.  This meeting was about Transracial Adoption and I was pretty excited about the topic in general.

In the beginning of this whole adoption process we were given a boatload of paperwork and one of them was a Transracial Adoption questionnaire booklet who's job was to ask us questions that would put us in situations where we had to think abotu whether or not we would be comfortable adopting outside of our race.  I was pretty confident about my answers to the questions but when everything was said and done, I was one question away from falling into the "maybe you're not really ready to adopt outside of your race" category.

I was shocked.

I consider myself pretty diverse and a non-racist individual.  Maybe it has to do with the fact that I fall into one of the smallest minorities on the planet.  Female.  Mexican.  Lesbian.  I couldn't believe that I was one question away from the being in the next category.

So ultimately this brings up the question of whether or not Kristen and I are prepared to adopt outside of our race.  And I guess the short answer is:  I'm not sure.  I listened to the stories of the adoptive mothers that were there tell their stories of raising their beautiful African American daughters and the comments that even the most well-intentioned people would make.  How would Kristen and I handle those?  Would we be equipped to response with kindness rather than rash responses?

I would like to think that racism doesn't exist in the world that I live in today.  That it's almost 2011 and it's time that we put all of that behind us.  I'm no better than you and you're no better than the person next to you.  Regardless of your color.  But here's the thing that I've been painfully aware of most of my life.  Aside from the fact that it's obvious that I'm female and unless you know my last name, I've pretty much been able to "hide" the fact that I'm Mexican or the fact that I'm a lesbian unless it's something that I want you to know.  The idea of adopting a child of color or of a different race puts everything out there.  They're going to have 2 mothers, they are going to look different than us and they are going to be adopted.

I don't know.. I feel like I'm babbling.. it's almost 11:00 on a Friday.  Maybe it's time for sleep and more blogging later :)

Oh yeah, FYI:  I'm blogging in purple and this font and Kristen's taking the white font.  Now you can keep track of who's talking smack about who!

It's beginning to look alot like....Winter.

It is snowing.  And it’s a deafening reminder that the Holidays are approaching at warp speed.  This past weekend we had our Pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving with Misty's dad. It was nice.  We had ham for this one, in the hopes of not burning ourselves out on turkey before the actual Turkey day.  We played wii and had a good time.  I think maybe we will try to make that a tradition.  He left early on Sunday due to the mountain pass being so snowy.

Misty and I went and did some preliminary shopping yesterday.  We got a few people completely taken care of, and got ideas for the rest. I now have to think about what to get Misty for Christmas. It’s so tough since I have already exhausted the entire realm of electronics.  I love that she is easy to buy for like a guy! As long as it is new and technology she is pretty much excited.  I thought about getting us a new video camera, since we could possibly have a little one around soon, and all we have are 8mm film cameras still.  But we'll see. (After all she IS reading this).

Through a friend I know a woman who had placed her child up for adoption using the agency we are working with.  It was only about 4 months ago that the placement occurred, and I think she is still having a hard time with it.  She is also going through a tough breakup; I invited her and her other daughter to Thanksgiving at our house.  I hate the idea that anyone would spend Thanksgiving alone, especially when going through such a hard time.

Speaking of hard time:  For those of you who don't know, one of my best friends Gretchen has been in the past 4 months - Diagnosed with breast cancer, had double mastectomy surgery, also found out she had a type of skin cancer on her breast skin, had surgery for that, and is now in the process of chemotherapy.  Anyone who knows Gretchen knows she is a tough cookie, but I know she is struggling with this.  She will also be at Thanksgiving, even if she doesn't really enjoy the holiday.  I told her if she didn't come, I would go to her condo, knock on the door, and loudly proclaim “YOU GAVE ME HERPES" until she answered the door and agreed to attend.  I think that threat was effective

Bittersweet Symphony... That's Life

It's another drafting day and I think that I could really get used to Fridays being this laid back and quiet.  I spent the first 3 days of this week in Revit training and for anyone who knows anything about what I'm talking about you know that by the end of day 3 you're so saturated in new information that you just want the entire week to be over.  Yesterday was pretty rough for me but today seems to be a little better.

We got our second screening call Wednesday afternoon and that was kind of cool.  Once again, though, the birthmother had been heavily into drugs during the first 6 months of her pregnancy and the doctors and agency have no idea what the long-term implications of this will have on the unborn baby.  I did some research online and found that it was probably better that we passed on this situation as well.  I just want a happy and healthy, ten fingers, ten toes baby, is that too much to ask?

We also found out yesterday that the gay couple that we took our pre-adoption seminar with was chosen earlier this month.  Hearing that has been kind of bittersweet for me.  I'm *totally* excited for them, ya know?  But at the same time you begin to question everything about all of the paperwork that you submitted.  Why not us?  What could we change?  What exactly is a birth mother looking for?  I don't know…  You hear from a birthmother (a friend Kristen happened to meet on a fluke) that birthmothers would rather pick a gay couple because then there's no competition about who the "mother" is.  And I can't help but wonder if the show "Modern Family" has anything to do with it.  They portray a gay couple who has adopted and everything seems totally fun and happy and goofy.  And I'm sure that it is!  I'll I'm getting at is that there isn't a fun/happy/goofy portrayal of a lesbian adoptive couple out there that birthmothers could relate to.  Maybe that's far-fetched.  I don't know.. again, you question everything.

Another thing that I'm having sort of a hard time with is because, yes, I'm stalking the baby pool website.  Why torture myself, you ask?  Because I like to see progress.  The bum deal about my spreadsheet is that I've been tracking the straights vs. gays vs. lesbian adoptions since the middle of August and there have been about 7 straight adoptions and 4 gay couple adoptions and ZERO (yes, zero) lesbian adoptions.  That would be another reason that I'm frustrated.  Part of me wants to call up the agency and ask when the last lesbian adoption was and the other part of me knows that hearing the answer probably isn't going to make me feel better anyway, so why bother?

Anyway, enough of being a downer.  This last weekend with mom was actually a lot of fun.  We went baby shopping and picked up a bunch of cool things.  I may have broken my "one or two things a month" promise with Kristen, but I get to blame it on mom.  Although, technically mom bought everything this weekend so I should still be able to get my one or two things for this month, right?!?!  Yay!  Probably shouldn't press my luck.

And now we're swinging almost full force into the Holidays and I'm pretty excited for that.  I'm looking forward to some much needed time off and spending time with my family and friends.  We've even planned our 2^nd annual family trip to Leavenworth and I'm excited about that as well.  Dad's coming this weekend for Turkey Day before Turkey Day, Mom will be here for Thanksgiving weekend, then the Choke grand opening (I'm gonna win the iPad damnit!), then my company holiday party/Jenn's 30^th birthday party!  Busy, busy!  I like having these little things to look forward to.  Kind of takes your mind off of the bigger baby picture for a while, ya know?  I'd even like to get a summer vacation planned soon so that I can start my vacation excitement countdown! 

Be Prepared!

So Kristen has been trying to get me to write a blog for a couple of days now and I figured that now is the perfect opportunity.  Today has basically been a "drafting day" and anyone familiar with engineering and AutoCAD knows that basically means you put on your headphones, kick up some good music and just work the day away.  This is also the time that I do most of my thinking – which could be good or bad, depending on the topic!  Today is a good day, calm down Kristen.  Eesh.

Last night was our second Adoptive Parenting meeting and I really enjoy these.  Not only does it give us a chance to meet people who are in the same situation that we're in, the counselors provide topics for us to be thinking about as we are going through the Long Wait.  Last night's topic was "The Last-Minute Placement" which was definitely on my Top 10 things to know about adoption.  When I think about a last minute placement everything in me starts to freak out.  This is how it could work, people:  I could be right in the middle of a good thoughts drafting day and BAM! there's a phone call from the agency that says there is a healthy baby at the hospital waiting for us to come pick him/her up.  We would have 20 minutes to decide if the information that the counselor has given us about the birth family is acceptable.  TWENTY MINUTES that could possibly change the rest of our lives FOREVER.  GO!

First thought?  Holy.  Crap.  Technically that might be two thoughts, but whatever.  (FYI:  those were the same words that I used when at the meeting last night when the counselor asked us what we would be feeling in two words.)  What about work?  What about the cats? Are we packed?  Do we have enough stuff?  How long are we going to have to plan to stay in the town/at the hospital with the baby?  Are we really ready for this emotionally/physically/financially?  I guess the simple, honest answer to all of those is:  No.  But you can never really be fully ready, right?  The nursery is painted, the furniture just needs to be picked up from a friend's house and we are slowly but surely buying onesies and bottles and blankets.  Emotionally, I'm so ready for this process to come to an end.  Our baby plight has taken us over a 2 year period and that's long enough.  I'm ready for my life to be about more than just Kristen and I.  I'm ready to focus on someone else now.  Financially, we're about as ready as we're ever going to be.  We have savings and checking and 401k's and families that would be there in a heartbeat should something come up that we couldn't afford.  I'm not really worried about that.

This is what I'm worried about:  As much as Kristen and I have in common, we are COMPLETELY different.  Love her to death, but my partner is a procrastinator.  Probably one of the biggest things that we fight about in our relationship.  I'm a planner.  It literally IS my job.  I have to jungle sometimes up to 15 projects a WEEK, kicking them along to meet the next deadline.  My job is all about being on time and delivering exceptional projects because if I don’t, the next drafter/engineer/firm will.  I was also a Girl Scout and you know the motto:  Be Prepared.  I'm just sayin'.  I mention all of this stuff now because we were sent a screening email about a week ago that sent me (the planner) into a tailspin of "oh-my-god-this-could-really-happen-tomorrow" freakout session and it didn't seem to affect Kristen (the waiter)  in the least.  This KILLS me.  So needless to say, I now have a borrowed car seat and stroller, onesies and blankets and burp rags.  Calls are in to my brother to borrow his truck and go and get the furniture from Gretchen.  Mom (who couldn't be more ready to be a grandmother) is getting ready to buy a crib.

I know that we shouldn't be getting a whole bunch of things because then there won't be anything for our friends to get us if they want to but listening to them talk last night the Adoptive mother that had been put in a last minute placement situation was saying we'd be going through 4 to 6 onesies a DAY.  I only have a pack of 4 right now!  I totally don't want to buy a bunch of things and ruin anything for our friends/family, but I want to (in stereo now!)  Be Prepared.  I want to make it so that we can spend the first few days bonding as a family and not bickering because we don't have enough or rushing out to go pick up things at the last minute.  That's all.

I think that we came to a compromise last night at around 11:00 as I was trying to pack for my trip home this weekend.  We're going to buy one or two things a month so that we have something to look forward to every month.  This solves the problem of Kristen not wanting to be "too ready" and my "I can't be ready enough" issues.  We also promised to not make big purchases (the car/stroller combo and crib (sorry, Mom) without the other person there.  So guess what?

I'm totally using my one or two things a month card for this weekend and going shopping with Mom while I'm home.  Bazinga!  (Big Bang Theory reference).

My Beiber fever went and turned into a cold, or at least thats how it seems. It seemed to hit me around 3pm today.  I hate being sick, because lets face reality, I am a HUGE baby when I'm sick.  I just don't like the idea of being sick, not being 100%.

Misty had soccer tonight.  Unfortunetly the game started before I could get off work, boo!  I like to watch her run around and dominate on the soccer field.  It ind of makes me feel like a parent.  I might even have one of those buttons made with her picture. You know the ones, with the ribbon under it that says "Thats my girl".  All of the parents had them in highschool.

I forgot to mention what happened to us on Saturday night.  We were out living it up, enjoying our saturday night out.  (We went to Lowes, wooo party time!) And on the way we got a flat tire.  So we start to get out the spare, get the jack ready, and take off the lug nuts.  Only one issue, they were torqued on with a gun, and I could NOT get them off.  Luckily for us, a guy who saw us struggling came to help.  He was like 5'6 and super gay.  Yeah, thats right.  A 5'6 super gay man in crocodile boots, helped us change our tire.  George, you are our hero.  Talk about deflation of dyke-ness.  I just feel that since I carry a purse, I shouldn't need to change a tire ;)

Ok I have officially reached big baby time, as it pertains to my cold.  It is time for me to get all warm and comfy and try to fight off this cold.